I am not one of those people. Living in radical obedience to Jesus is not how I would describe myself. I'm scared about what others will think. My pride is bigger than my desire obey Jesus. I don't want to put myself out there because what if I'm rejected? What if they laugh at me?
Oh how I long for the day when the fear is gone and just love for my Jesus remains and I don't want to do anything but love him and others.
In the meantime, he's working on my heart. He's told me these are my days of training, and boy do I need it.
Last week I was dealing with some stuff and needed to drive and pray. I usually drive out past Six Mile on back country roads, but I felt Holy Spirit tell me to drive out towards Easley. As I was driving I saw a vision of the Belk parking lot on 123 so I figured I'd go that far, then turn around and head home. When I got to the parking lot, I pulled in to turn around and looked in my rearview mirror. I saw a high school girl pull in behind me, and heard Holy Spirit say I need to talk to her.
So I promptly turned around and started to drive home.
I tried to rationalize the situation away.
"Jesus, it's 10 o'clock at night in a dark parking lot. I CAN'T go talk to that girl. She'll think I'm going to kill her. I don't want to freak her out!"
About 2 miles down the road I got really worried that something was actually wrong with her and she needed help. So I turned around and went back to check on her.
"Ok, fine, Jesus. I'll do it. I'll go check on her." I told Jesus as I was driving back to the parking lot. As her car came into view, I freaked out, missed my turn, and said "Nope. Nope nope nope. Not happening, Jesus. Sorry, you'll have to send someone else! I can't do this tonight. I've got my own issues to deal with."
So I turned around and headed back home.
About a mile down the road I realized how stupid I was being. I turned around (again) and headed back to the Belk parking lot. I'm pretty sure I could hear Jesus laughing at me, rolling his eyes, waiting for me to get over myself. So like the calm, cool, and collected person that I am, I started yelling at Jesus: "WHY DO YOU WANT ME TO DO THIS? THIS IS SO STUPID I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS! I'LL DO IT BUT I'M NOT HAPPY. WHAT ON EARTH DO I EVEN SAY TO HER?!?!"
And then I heard the calm, peaceful voice of Holy Spirit whisper "Just ask her if she is ok. See if she needs help."
I agreed. Reluctantly, I pulled into the parking lot, parked, got out of my car, and walked up to her door. She rolled down her window and I asked her if she was ok. She looked at me like I was a complete idiot and said she was fine.
As I drove away I was actually pretty upset with Jesus. "Why did you make me do that?! She didn't even need help! What was the point?"
He just said "Practice. I set this up for you because it was an easy one. There was nothing wrong with her, so all you had to do was obey. She wasn't in crisis. You just need to practice obeying."
Boy, I felt like an idiot.
And also really thankful that God knows I need practice.
Do I have this whole obeying thing down? Clearly not. But that's not a surprise to God. He's not surprised by my fear. I pray that next time I'll obey, but if I don't, he's patient with me. He'll walk me through it and let me yell, kick, and scream until I finally give in.
Thankful.
Thankful for a God who is patient, yet doesn't stop pushing me to grow.
Thankful for a God who gives me safe opportunities to practice.
Thankful that one day I WILL live in radical obedience. Not because I'm such a great Christian, (because I'm not) but because Holy Spirit lives in me and empowers me to do things that are not normal.
What are some small ways we can practice obeying?
What would radical obedience look like for your day to day life?
