When Reality Exceeds Expectations

I was really dreading summer, but really looking forward to it, as well.

I don't like that most people left Clemson for the summer and that it's going to get muggy and unbearably hot in a few weeks.

I really like all the exciting things that happen durring the summer- lazy days, vacations, adventures, late nights, good food, family time.

I knew I would be leaving June 9th for the UK and I kinda thought the weeks leading up to it would be the calm before the storm.

I couldn't have been more wrong and these last weeks couldn't have been any more awesome.

Finals finished and the students went crazy! Here is a group picture of everyone who came to the end of the year spend the night party to celebrate.

At midnight that night, Laura turned 19 and we had a little midnight singing (much to her dismay). After, a few of us went to Walmart to buy cookie dough and milk which we drank out of wine glasses at my house. We sat around and talked for a while before Laura and Lainey spent the night at my house. We got up the next morning and went to Penara for Laura's birthday lunch. 

Week 1 of summer- RUF Summer Conference!!! 

Spend a week in Florida with 60 of my closest friends learning about Jesus? YES PLEASE. Lots of great teaching and making new friends. Also being serenaded was pretty great. I can't wait for next year. It's going to be even better!

Week 2 of summer- 

This week was a little slower but just as great. I started off the weak by taking Marah's senior pictures.

 She's a beautiful woman and I'm thankful to call her my friend. I also went shopping and started packing for the UK later that week....which is exciting yet terrifying. 

Week 3 of summer-

This week started off with a bang and just stayed pretty awesome. My favorite older brother asked his wonderful girlfriend, Meghan, to marry him AND SHE SAID YES! 

They went out on the boat for dinner and he asked her on the boat. When they came back up to the house there was a party waiting for them with 30 of their friends. It was a great evening. I cried. What's new? 

So now I'm packing my bags for 3 different states and 2 countries over the course of the next 6 weeks. My room is really clean but a total wreck at the same time. 

I'm excited but incredibly nervous. 

But it's the good kind of nervous, if there is a good kind. 

Now I Understand Peter Pan

I'm not a fan of change. If you know me at all or read my past blog posts (especially from last summer) you know this about me. I don't like change one bit. It's part of my longing for perfection and control. It makes me worry and get anxious and it's just not fun. I like routine and predictability. If I could stay in college for 10 years I probably would just so things wouldn't change and no one would get real jobs and move away. Well, ok maybe not really because I would like to get married and have a family at some point. Preferably before I'm 30. Scratch that whole 10 year college idea.

But for real, I just don't like change. Every year I get more and more emotional around the beginning of May. Why?

Graduation.

At first it was my friends a year older than me who were graduating from high school. The idea of my friends going to college was CRAZY. Then it was me graduating from high school. No way did I feel old enough to be finished with high school! And this past Friday, another round of Clemson students walked across the stage at Little John and are now on their way to their next step in life. I was struck with the shocking reality that that will be most of my friends in 3 years.

WHAT?! WHO SAID WE WERE GROWN UPS?!

I'm not sure I'm ok with this idea, you guys. Maybe the 10 year college idea isn't so bad, after all.

Last weekend I said goodbye to most of the RUF freshies for the summer. Well, I guess we're not freshies anymore. Now we're sophties. It's hard to believe these dear friends have only been in my life for 9 months, and some much less than that. These kids have grown to be like family, in some ways. I'm a huge fan of them and the fact that most of them haven't been in my life the past week is just weird. My hug quota for the day hasn't been reached. That's one thing I learned about myself this year- I need way more hugs than I thought I did. Any time you think I need or want a hug, just assume I do. Because I guarantee you it will be gladly welcomed. I'm so ready for them all to come back, already. Clemson just isn't the same.

I'm that person on twitter who's location changes frequently and it's never been where I actually am. For a while now, it's been "Neverland." When I said that, it didn't have any significance. Real talk, I was just trying to be creative. Now I wish it was true. I totally understand why Peter Pan lives in Neverland-- so he never has to grow up.

Don't get me wrong, growing up has it's perks. You make your own bed time, you drive yourself around, you can cook your own food so you're not forced to eat something you don't like that your mom made. You're really independent which is frees you to do all kinds of things.

At the same time, a lot of time growing up means saying goodbyes. I'm really bad at saying goodbye, and I'm guessing Peter Pan was, too. I get all choked up and start crying and then I've got things flowing out of every hole in my face. Talk about embarrassing. Plus, I'm a really ugly cryer which just adds onto the beauty of the situation.

I hate that empty feeling deep inside you get after saying goodbye. The uncertainty of when you'll see them again and what kind of effects it will have on your relationship. It's kind of like that feeling you get when you're little and you lose your mom in Walmart. You just don't know what to do.

As Christians, though, we have a hope of seeing each other again. It might not be on this earth, but one day in Glory, we will all be united again and NEVER EVER have to say goodbye. We will have eternity together to worship our God and King.

 I guess that's why goodbyes are so painful: they go against the way we were created. We were never made for things to end. When God designed us, we were to live with Him in the Garden of Eden where there was no death or sin. But then the fall happened and sin was introduced into the world. We were separated from God and now sad things happen.

But that's not the end of the story! God loved us so much that he sent His perfect son, Jesus, to die for us so that we can be united with Him forever and ever and ever and ever and never say goodbye again!  Isn't that just the best news?!

So my dear friends who are worriers, prone to anxious hearts and sleepless nights-- rest. Rest in the knowledge that our Father who loves us is at work in our lives. Rest in the fact that he will never leave you or forsake you. Rest in the fact that he is FAITHFUL.