But for real, I just don't like change. Every year I get more and more emotional around the beginning of May. Why?
Graduation.
At first it was my friends a year older than me who were graduating from high school. The idea of my friends going to college was CRAZY. Then it was me graduating from high school. No way did I feel old enough to be finished with high school! And this past Friday, another round of Clemson students walked across the stage at Little John and are now on their way to their next step in life. I was struck with the shocking reality that that will be most of my friends in 3 years.
WHAT?! WHO SAID WE WERE GROWN UPS?!
I'm not sure I'm ok with this idea, you guys. Maybe the 10 year college idea isn't so bad, after all.
Last weekend I said goodbye to most of the RUF freshies for the summer. Well, I guess we're not freshies anymore. Now we're sophties. It's hard to believe these dear friends have only been in my life for 9 months, and some much less than that. These kids have grown to be like family, in some ways. I'm a huge fan of them and the fact that most of them haven't been in my life the past week is just weird. My hug quota for the day hasn't been reached. That's one thing I learned about myself this year- I need way more hugs than I thought I did. Any time you think I need or want a hug, just assume I do. Because I guarantee you it will be gladly welcomed. I'm so ready for them all to come back, already. Clemson just isn't the same.
I'm that person on twitter who's location changes frequently and it's never been where I actually am. For a while now, it's been "Neverland." When I said that, it didn't have any significance. Real talk, I was just trying to be creative. Now I wish it was true. I totally understand why Peter Pan lives in Neverland-- so he never has to grow up.
Don't get me wrong, growing up has it's perks. You make your own bed time, you drive yourself around, you can cook your own food so you're not forced to eat something you don't like that your mom made. You're really independent which is frees you to do all kinds of things.
At the same time, a lot of time growing up means saying goodbyes. I'm really bad at saying goodbye, and I'm guessing Peter Pan was, too. I get all choked up and start crying and then I've got things flowing out of every hole in my face. Talk about embarrassing. Plus, I'm a really ugly cryer which just adds onto the beauty of the situation.
I hate that empty feeling deep inside you get after saying goodbye. The uncertainty of when you'll see them again and what kind of effects it will have on your relationship. It's kind of like that feeling you get when you're little and you lose your mom in Walmart. You just don't know what to do.
As Christians, though, we have a hope of seeing each other again. It might not be on this earth, but one day in Glory, we will all be united again and NEVER EVER have to say goodbye. We will have eternity together to worship our God and King.
I guess that's why goodbyes are so painful: they go against the way we were created. We were never made for things to end. When God designed us, we were to live with Him in the Garden of Eden where there was no death or sin. But then the fall happened and sin was introduced into the world. We were separated from God and now sad things happen.
But that's not the end of the story! God loved us so much that he sent His perfect son, Jesus, to die for us so that we can be united with Him forever and ever and ever and ever and never say goodbye again! Isn't that just the best news?!
So my dear friends who are worriers, prone to anxious hearts and sleepless nights-- rest. Rest in the knowledge that our Father who loves us is at work in our lives. Rest in the fact that he will never leave you or forsake you. Rest in the fact that he is FAITHFUL.
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